( ˃ᆺ˂ )

november

august

july

june

NOVEMBER

19/11/22

went out with parents again for earlier half of the day, went to fitzwilliam and kettle's yard! fun times very fun i love them so much :D

what energised me today?

what drained me today?

18/11/22

YAYYYYYYYY I GOT TO SEE MY PARENTS they came up for the day and we had a very lovely time!!!!!!! went to a cafe in the morning and then a longggggg long long walk around town and i had a great time it was very fun and nice. visited another cafe then grabbed some stuff from the car, checked into their hotel (and i had a great shower there lol) and then left to take the plastic off of my mattress. then we went to mr taco my beloved. it was sooooo good then we went out for drinks at a couple pubs it was very lovely and fun and nice

what energised me today? seeing my parents :D

what drained me today? nothing!

17/11/22

i was so exhausted in class i truly did fuck all. and then i went home and drew so much lacho LMFAOOOOOOO it's self care it's love it's healing

what energised me today? having fun with my silly little interests and drawing

what drained me today? 2pm class, think i'll go in to the earlier one next week :)

16/11/22

how am i not hungover also jesus i over shared last night LMFAOOOOO

today was good! spoke to some more people and had some really really good talks like the mackinnon and saunders one, felt ok today but also like i had put my foot in it and annoyed the ppl i was with idk how tho. i feel like i annoy people just wiht how much energy i have but like stop being such a fucking killjoy and actually articulate it to me if you have an issue i dont play mindgames.

what energised me today? having energised conversations with new people

what drained me today? GIVE ME BACK THE SAME FUCKING ENERGYYYYY I CANT DO THIS FAM

15/11/22

woke up at 8 and then later went for a 40 min walk in the rain to procure a steak bake and bc i am still hyper. when walking to the venue i was dying why did it take so fucking long WHY WE GOING SO FUCKING SLOW

got indian for lunch which was nice. finally tried dosa! very very good.

still dying from boredom a little not the actual festival just the bits in between :/ it’s annoying cause i’m just not getting two way convo and it’s killing me!!!!!! there were some great talks today thooooo yay

ok i really want to try making a short film tho i think it would be fun to try!!! gonna write down a list of inspo in my physical journal to brainstorm cause i’d want it to be very focused on imagery and symbolism probs. limited colour palette.

went out for drinks im so drunk. had a lovely time chatting with bee! icl i would still sleep with [YOU KNOW.]

what energised me today? having energised conversations with new people

what drained me today? waiting around with people who wouldnt return me the same energy!!!!!!! NEED MY ENERGY RETURNED BRO so i ended up getting the horrible hyper antsy feeling

14/11/22

basically today is the manchester anim festival day!!!! very cool had to wake up at 5am tho BUT got to watch bcs on the coach yay

by the time we got off the coach i was fine bc i had been entertaining myself but actually waiting and being in here is killing me god bless my friends but where is the energy i need to talk i need them to start convos im getting the awful feeling i had at con of irritable and hyper. literally if i dont do a lap of the block i will start trying to kill my friends it’s atrocious. also i was chatting to vince abt how i feel lonely a lot lately bc of the house stuff and i want to mention it to them all at some point icl. has me missing my spontaneous hoes

but yea ok. ok. so the bored hyper horny need to drink or smoke feeling has been coming in WAVES recently and girl im feeling the fear. the horrors are so soon i think. they are approaching at speed.......... girl should i just give **** a fingering tutorial genuinely that might be the easy way out here. was gonna drink but decided not to and i am just dying here everyone is moving so slowly and it hurts me mentally i cannot subsist on this.

what energised me today? having energised conversations with new people

what drained me today? waiting around with people who wouldnt return me the same energy, so i ended up getting the horrible hyper antsy feeling

13/11/22

cunt cunt cunt bitch. ok so today!! started very slow i was just doomscrolling for a few hours til past noon which isnt great bc i havent done that in ages!!!! but it's ok we can get better. had 2 scotch eggs and 2 apples for lunch whilst watching some kenji's kitche, then at about 1:30 i went to the uni to do some work! i finalised the movements in the animation i had done yesterday for my lipsync project which i really enjoyed doing, improving the timing and adding more emphasis yaya. alsooooo i did the roughs for the man's movement yahoo. good time! afterwards i went to hobbycraft for 2 minutes total to buy some new A5 sketchbooks (wanted some for the manchester anim fest lolz) and then the gym for a v short sesh and then a longer swim!!!!! good time. got home and was v tired but then had cheesy orzo which slayed actually. cleaned my dirty plate pile! caught up fully with my lipsync blog posts technically including the one for next week so ig im ahead lol?????? but yeah. pretty good day i think? started v mid but improved. also sorry but i am still so fucking horny all the time and it's sooo fucked up what's up with that bruv.

what energised me today? putting on real person clothes and going outside

what drained me today? ye olde tiktok

12/11/22

heya!! today was a very slow and tired day, which a lot of them have been recently lol. spent a lot of time laying in bed this morning and looking at images of tony dalton. lmao. and also having multiple wanks but moving on! i went in to do some work and icl i didn't do loads, i got distracted watching better call saul edits on youtube and then chef saul videos (chef saul my beloved) but! i did do what i wanted to, which was do the basic character design for my lipsync project and then lay out all the basic animation parts which i will need (beyond lipsync).

grabbed some snacks and such from asda, including a new notebook (the same one but now in green) and then later when i was home i downloaded tiktok on my ipad so i could watch silly little tony dalton videos on a different platform. cried at the mcwexler edits because i am not immune to them. not to sound insane but i do worry a little because im in a weird mental place where im stable and generally very healthy but there is something obsessive lurking at the corners and i need to make sure i stay normal rather than idk. investing in a parasocial relationship and having some mild delusions. really need to not do that. lmao. but! i also organised a time to meet jae next week which will be interesting but hopefully fun! i also took out my trash. oh also i want to order a skin serum and also a protein shake shaker cup thingy cause i might as well get thru that minging shit. it's still cheaper than testosterone babes!

i have a lot of bits to pack tomorrow but im glad i've already made a list in advance and i feel alright about it all :) will need to make sure i wake up early but im aiming on going to the gym (admittedly for a gentle sesh) so hopefully that will tire me out a little bit! i also need to worry less about cunts because i really need to be more like machine girl and not give a shit but there is that horrible little voice that encourages me to try to fit in. need to get weirder also need to practice art more lmfao. will figure that out at some point.

what energised me today? genuinely dont think anything did but i did genuinely really enjoy the bits of animation i did, i need to do more 2d stuff cause it is honestly very fun

what drained me today? idk nothing in particular but again im just very tired. i do hate winter cause it gets so cold and that really tires me out

11/11/22

we're back, and we're ready to do it all over again.

managed to finally log into the wifi yesterday lmfao! had a naff day but then met up with jade and hung out with her for hours and finally tried mr taco for the first time! came back to mine and chatted more and i feel great cause of it

want to get back into daily journalling because i think it's a good way to keep track of myself and makes me feel very grounded. would like to do some more stuff on this site tbh :] might end up doing some other journalling tasks cause ive been struggling a lot with mood and focus lately. strugglign with socialising properly and i feel quite lonely bc people never reach out to me but i think im going to try and focus on different people and stop stretching myself so thin

what energised me today? socialising with jade and just hanging out and chatting outside of uni

what drained me today? my messy messy room and stress about work due to lack of direction

AUGUST

ok so i missed like 15 days lmao let me attempt a recap

icl im considering moving my ediary to notion bc i can have it be wayyyy more organised and also more private? plus it'll keep it all in one place ig idk. only issue is that i'd have to redo a lot of the formatting possibly(?) altho i think i could avoid it if im smart about it

05/08/22

went out w conor today! went to the gym was fun :) i can deadlift at least 30kg! i want to go again and make it a regular thing at uni :0 had a lovely time. went to pizza place and then cider in park. fun! im a little tipsy

what energised me today? going out with conor v fun :)

what drained me today? pointless arguments

04/08/22

caught up on about two weeks of missed journaling!!!!!! LMAO im proud of myself for catching up and altho i slipped, it was due to very reasonable things lmao (holiday + fucked up wrist), but i'll make sure to keep on top of it again :D it is very helpful for staying together. i want to post art online today and update my socials management sheet definitely. i also want to draw a few cats to keep up with the uni work!!! im very glad my wrist is starting to feel better lol

ok so!!!!! i did about 2 A4 pages of cat stuff for uni, didnt get around to posting online, but also went to currys to look at mice and ikea to look at chairs with my mum. wrt mice, i decided my parameters for them (gamer mouse w/ slant and thumb rest), and wrt chairs, i narrowed it down to two ikea options. at ikea i bought a mini fold up mirror, a pot stand, a basket for bathroom stuff, and A FOOT STOOL FOR THE TOILET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am overjoyed. also saw meg there, might ask if they wanna get lunch sometime and catch up?

also watched the prestige, very good. i would like to try making short stories where i begin with a concept of interesting structure for the piee as the backbone (akin to how it used the three act magicians structure for the wider structure of the film), as this gives a good base to begin with and carries a strong theme throughout.

what energised me today? going out with mum and getting stuff done :)

what drained me today? tiktok doomscrolling, pointless arguments

03/08/22

bad day today, blacked out and vomited everywhere it was so horrific. lmao. went to lakey with mum later tho to get trainers

02/08/22

went to thorndon with emily, erin, archie, and mia!!!! very fun :D and then we went to see emily's horses and they r so so cute omfggggg i loved daisy very much. went to chill at mia's afterwards and played catch for hours lol

01/08/22

went out with khadija+itohan+ their friend asma to lakey, saw minions + chilled it was v fun actually! lol also khadija is into batjokes which was so fun to talk about

JULY

IN REVIEW:

damn this month lowkey sucked ass!!!!!! im at peace with it tho. ive been weirdly in a good mood most of the time and im hoping to continue that forwards

AIMS FOR AUGUST:

PRIORITY:

OTHER:

31/07/22

icl i dont remember what i did on sunday i think i just stayed in. maybe a little art? watered allotment with mum and ranted about fmab being amazing lol

30/07/22

met up with conor :D!!!!! very very fun i had missed him a lot conversation is always so fun with him. big ups media analysis i love fmab so much

what energised me today? seeing conor :D

29/07/22

went to the doctors abt my wrist! not as bad as i thought yayyyyy i just need to wear a splint + do exercises. take ibuprofen if it hurts. it's RSI. i should get "a gamer chair" possibly. very very relieving to hear it's not as bad as i had been worried about :D

what energised me today? very relieved my wrist isnt as bad as i thought

28/07/22

came home! bought chia seeds, watched s3 ep1-3 of hq show + last 2 eps of wwdits s3 :0 made my + ariana's stir fry for the fam yay. started sorting out ergonomic stuff

holiday!!!!!!! p&v time yaya (left on 21st, returned on 28th)

sadly the pool was closed :( but!!!! fun stuff:

(also im finally actually typing again hehe)

20/07/22

went to Colchester zoo today!!!! Yay. Was very fun. I was with erin Emily chanelle and Jeevan, and I really had a good time. My favourite part where the lemurs I love lemurs. Great day. Went back to chanelle’s afterwards with erin and chanelle started dying erin’s hair, and I helped clean chanelle’s room a bit. Great time with friends.

19/07/22

Still finding the arm issue very draining, But we move. Hottest day of heat wave. It fucking sucks. I’ve come up with the idea of printing out and binding Reparto I’m just gonna copy and paste that it’s about drugs fake but jokes thick with a time loop by distort Topia. Well voice to text really fucks me on that one. Way too hot to do fucking anything today. Packed clothes for France and printed out black-and-white version of chapter 48 of Batman 2011 to testing layouts. Have been watching lots of what we do in the shadows and or onto episode eight of season three.

18/07/22

first day of heatwave, way too fucking hot. Dropped winston off at Fenchurch Street.Massively enjoyed the Aircon on the C2C. Discovered the 15 minutes how it was made shorts on my Lego Batman movie DVD, I haven’t watched it yet.For dinner, I made lime kushiyaki prawns with guacamole and roasted chickpeas in a wrap.Was nice, but I added too much coriander to the guac and needed more lime with the prawns, although the honey glaze worked really well. went to buy wrist brace today/wrist support.

17/07/22

Today we went to the Aqua Park at Lakeside! It was very hot but very very fun, we accidentally stayed on for 40 extra minutes and now I’m knackered. Swimming in the water was really nice and it was really warm honestly. We went to Wagamama‘s afterwards.

read last knight on Earth! enjoyed it :) snyder understands what it means to be utenapilled

16/07/22

today me and winston did the birds thing the falconry experience. It was very good! I am still using Voice to text bc my arm still hurts. Barleylands is actually really good and the bird experience was amazing. My favourites were gonzo the vulture and Chaos the burrowing owl who sat on our heads. I had a lot of fun and I know winston did as well.

We had rice and dumplings for brunch and Turkish food for dinner.

15/07/22

Winston is round exclamation mark I am still typing this with text to speech! Oh my days.We went to eat Tokyo which was very nice I got udon and he got Okonomiyaki with seafood in it. we chilled for a bit but he’s very tired so we came home quite early. He went to bed very soon after getting home so me and my parents watched more of what we do in the shadows. It’s really good and excited to see what they do with Rihanna oh my God I said guillermo and it came up as Rihanna which is quite funny. also I read a banger Nolan verse fic earlier that was great. had avocado rice bowl for dinner I love you avocado rice bowl.

I will have to put these on the ediary website later because I don’t want to do with my arm right now

what energised me today? seeing my friend! Woo hoo

what drained me today? my wrist still fucking hurts bracket fuck you (although it hurts less than yesterday)

14/07/22

today my wrist sorted twinging a lot and it’s a little bit fucked. Not really sure what to do about that one to be honest.

we booked a holiday in France though so that’s pretty nice. Oh and also my mum when entering the gender thing for me on the passports then said ‘oh what do you want me to put you can choose what you want I don’t mind’ which was very nice. I wrote this with text to speech because my arm still hurts and I hate typing with just my left hand.Watched more of what we do in the shadows. Watched a little bit of Arkham gameplay. planned out some design ideas for Batman fan stuff ; They're the kind of 8 little page ones. The first idea was for a collection of recommendations of your favourite media the focus on Batman and Joker and then the others were more just collations of imagery from things like chapter 48 of the 2011 Batman run.

what energised me today? batman

what drained me today? my wrist being hurt

13/07/22

day in today :) didnt do loads, booked aqua park with winston and told him a bit about blender, went to allotment with mum and watched a lot more wwdits. finished harley quinn show omfg it's SO GOOD i adore it o(≧∇≦o) cant wait for season 3!!!!!!! i also made an iridescent batman logo in blender lolz

what energised me today? idk

what drained me today? idk

12/07/22

southend with erin and chanelle!!!!!!!!!!! sooooo fun omg we went to the aquarium and then the arcades wahoooo very fun much fun

what energised me today? with friends :]

what drained me today? nothing really

11/07/22

more energy today!!!!!!!!! batjokes win batjokes slay. i did a little batjokes art + some tword art using blender to get some cool perspective :] plus i finished that joker drawing wahey

what energised me today? watching art videos

what drained me today? social media

10/07/22

kinda shit day bc i stayed in bed too long and had no energy but i finished texturing my blender bunny and got a turntable render from it, plus tried out that fish thing and got some rough renders of that!

what energised me today? shower, going outside

what drained me today? staying in bed rlly late :/

9/07/22

today was so lovely :) went out with vince to trans pride london, we had a little picnic first with okonomiyaki and onigiri he made, then participated in the march! we left at around 4 once arriving at soho square before the speeches so we could get some bubble tea and then ate at eat tokyo. was sooo nice :] i had katsudon and he had udon, and we shared some sushi (1 nigiri each of mackerel, salmon, tuna, and fatty tuna).

we also spoke about some stuff like how i think he’s super super brave and how he said just my presence makes people happy, even people i don’t know. which means so much to me. i love him sm. hanging out with him and also winston is always so so nice it feels amazing!!!!!! we are just all on such similar wavelengths and it’s so fun. with vince i get to talk at length about food stuff and that’s so so fun, he knows loads of food lore and that’s so cool to hear about!! i want to organise a hangout between us 3 v soon :D

i feel so proud of everything about myself

what energised me today? hanging out with vince

what drained me today? nothing really :)

8/07/22

went to see thor love and thunder with archie + chanelle + emily! film was v good i love taika sm. it was just so nice bc it was just about the power of love yk? i love love it's so amazing. wow. it's so much more fun than so many other mcu movies bc it is just funnysilly and proud!!!!!! proud to be about love it doesn't need to be cynical it can have it's fun one liners that aren't violently cringe. i luved it. after, emily had to leave but erin came and we went shopping and to wags! i bought metal crochet hooks + red yarn + an embroidery hoop + new concealer + a little sonic blind bag keychain (i got knuckles) + hair bleach :0 v fun!!!!!!! got home and finished winston's art fight attack yayyyyyy!!!!!!! also avocado toast is insanely good wtf

what energised me today? seeing my friends!!!!!

what drained me today? nothing really :)

7/07/22

chillin today. read some superbat. made dumpling rice bowls for the fam. watched more of wwdits and am watching harley quinn show.

what energised me today? idk

what drained me today? idk also

6/07/22

cuddles got euthanised today. she’s asleep now. i cried like a little baby but she was so so tired i know it was best. it was very peaceful. she’s such a good kitty. i stayed with her and stroked her and comforted her as it happened. i couldn’t look in her eyes and after a while of her being gone i had to turn away. i love her so dearly. i have been doing surprisingly okay but it is mainly thanks to distraction and avoiding what reminds me of her. seeing the cat bowl and litter tray gone really hurt. same with seeing her little den under the chair in the back room gone. it’s not like smudge; now there are no cats in the house at all. it’s so empty. it’s not sunk in properly that she’s gone and i don’t want it to. she’s sleeping.

5/07/22

visited the vet. kidney failure. she's getting euthanised tomorrow. im going to miss her so much

4/07/22

cuddles is very very sick and i dont think she'll make it another week honestly. she is so frail it's devastating. we are going to the vets tomorrow. i started to draw winston's lloyd and started watching the harley quinn show. watched 3 eps of ofmd with family. i cant even hope that she'll be okay because i just know she's not but i hope it doesn't hurt too much.

3/07/22

cat is very sick. we went to the emergency vets but she seems really poorly. i got her to eat a little. i dont think she's going to be okay in all honesty but i want to make sure she's comfortable til we can go to the proper vets on tuesday.

what energised me today? started spy x family

what drained me today? everything

2/07/22

wooo we went to london pride and walked in the parade lolz :D then came home pretty early around 4 and did bbq with my parents whilst i was a bit tipsy. pretty good day! i am v worried about cuddles tho :/

left dnd early to stay up with the cat, she seems very ill :(

what energised me today? idk

what drained me today? idk also

1/07/22

good day!!!!! i did a lot of work on blender and also painted a fish :D progress shots ahead wahoo!!!!! i've been having a great time doing all my little things waheyyyy also me and mum redid the big plant pot out front! i also wrote my monthly review of june and my aims for july. rn im watching charlie/cel stream stardew yayyyyyy!!!!!!

what energised me today? doing all my silly little tasks

what drained me today? not sure

JUNE

IN REVIEW:

june has been a grand improvement on may, where i've learned a great deal and have changed for the better. i've been honestly doing so much better lately and am a fan of the steps ive been taking to improve myself and my mental health. ive been a lot brighter and less miserable lately, plus more productive (my mood and productivity both going hand in hand). i've also been greatly improving my art + 3D skills especially, with my improved organisation helping greatly with this.

im very proud of making my website, being brave enough to reach out socially, and the progress ive made with self discipline. additionally, blender is going really well. ive been keeping habits up much better and have been far more organised. furthermore, i have been putting into practice journaling techniques to soothe anxiety when things go wrong, and i think that what i've learned over the past few months is going to help me greatly the next time i have a rough patch. i'm really excited to keep improving on all of these skills over the next couple months i have off!!

AIMS FOR JULY:

30/06/22

went out with zeinab in london wooo!!!! went to eat tokyo and got sushi + bento box, then to tsujiri and got matcha soft serve. very slay! was lovely to catch up. then i did some blender work wowww holy fucking shit grease pencil is insane!

what energised me today? seeing zeinab wahoo

what drained me today? idk i was pretty energised all day? ig thinking about old cringe embarrassing shit i did. omds the past year was a mess

29/06/22

made such a pussyful rice bowl w dumplings + edamame + avocado...... then also for dinner had a rice bowl w/ fried pork, sprungion, and egg w/ a soy + oyster sauce vibe. v nice. i worked on blender stuff, troubleshooting my 3D model and unwrapping the UV, plus doing the design and beginning on the texture painting! i also FINALLY worked on organising my inspo folders and im glad bc what's in there is rlly helping me figure out what i'd like to do. also i found louie zong's tumblr and they have a very cool 3d art style that i like a lot :] additionally, i did some crazy journaling to emotionally keep up with the bs i got told yesterday lmao. god bless

what energised me today? genuinely idk. food was good and i kept going via youtube video

what drained me today? thinking about the BULLSHITTTTTTT

28/06/22

went out skating in hyde parkup w/ ariana! big catch up sesh + it was VERY enlightening. i cant believe that man daredddddd accuse me of coercion the dirty bastard. also holy shit why do they have so many fucking issuesssss but it was v nice hanging out with ariana :] and im v happy that theyre doing better.

also the lego baman movie is a great mood stabiliser

what energised me today? going out, doing exercise, seeing a friend :)

what drained me today? bad emotional news lol but that's unavoidable x

27/06/22

very emotionally tired today. feeling a lot of regret and other negative things. also, i stupidly cut my hair whilst feeling these things, and now regret cutting my hair, which makes it worse. im going to try to cook some food and calm down whilst im home alone, then start on some tasks.

nvm i had some pasta + watched lego batman movie + had a shower and now im fine + rlly love it actually :] went shopping at longdan (bigg asian supermarket) with dad and it was veryyy fun we bought loads! now im home and working on the journaling tasks for figuring out my direction i want to take my work over the summer

very energised now! i did a LOT of scheduling and planning for art stuff and breaking down tasks smaller, plus set a schedule for actually posting reliably online!! also, i ordered replacement headphones :] i have a lot of art im excited to practice :0

what energised me today? THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE

what drained me today? unsure

26/06/22

hung out w archie, chanelle, and matthew at lakeside :) i also saw erin for a bit during her lunch break. ALSO, CHANELLE IS INTO JERMA NOW!!!!!!!! after, i called conor finally and it went well :) we called from 9pm-1am i think. ive missed him a lot and it's stirred up a lot of turbulent emotions in me like sadness and regret. but im very glad we're talking again.

what energised me today? seeing my friends

what drained me today? emotions

25/06/22

social media made me feel badddd ever so bad!!!!!! but i decided to do some work on blender :) about 5 hours and i modeled a lil bunny guy and now i want to make some more cute lil guys once i finish the tutorial :0 possibilities include a duck, cat, and penguin, but i also want to make a little clown fellow. also i discovered the idea of digital 'gamut mapping' which i need to research more but it's how trad artists mix paints, eg choose only 3 tubes. can emulate this by marking out a section on the colour wheel!! v cool. also i finally tried chimichurri, it was nice but i need to add more herbs bc it's too oily rn

here is my lil bunny guy :)

what energised me today? shower + watching productivity & art/tutorial vids on youtube

what drained me today? SOCIAL MEDIA oh my godddd twitter + tiktok specifically. tumblr you sweet summer child you are so innocent but the other two Ts are devilish to me. i think im gonna delete tiktok again lol i just need 2 clear those drafts i have :0

24/06/22

read more superbat :] had a walk and got parsley + a scrub daddy sponge lol, now back at home. had a bit of a mood drop but i want to salvage it and practice drawing a bit.

bad mood today. not sure why. feel like shit. urgh. printed off some stuff but did very little. grim

ok ALSO. also. cosmic bond i am thinking about the concept of the cosmic bond. what separates the jonmartin from the jonelias and the superbat from the batjokes. the COSMIC BOND. i will be going more into this later but it's truly what matters. fate and destiny and being connected by forces greater than yourseves. you are mytholgy you are legend you are more than a person you are an icon and a role and more than human, elevated by such a title as you're given. also! the cosmic bond is not always romantic. the cosmic bond is simply the cosmic bod. hohenheim and father have the cosmic bond. honestly i think im just insane a little bit

what energised me today? nothing

what drained me today? using twitter + thinking about the quality of my art/comparing it to others

23/06/22

bought the peri peri salt lol. doing a lot of journaling tasks today, much more productive today since i set myself up for success and energy (showered, got dressed, out of bed relatively early, went on a walk). these entries are technically serving as a daily reflection task, so im going to add on a couple questions to add a little focus, but maintain it as an ediary in this form; it works for me already and i shouldn't change what already works! the digital format is convenient and i enjoy getting to add a little bit to this site every day, even tho it's not exactly actual code or anything lol.

cleaned the bbq! (mostly) and read a lotttt of superbat bro why does that shit go so insanely hard....... my god.

also i put a new pic of amber on artfight.... im considering doing it again. maybe. idk. might draw a new (clown?) oc for it if i get a chance. would be some good practice i think

what energised me today? having a shower and getting dressed, getting out of bed relatively early, going for a walk relatively early, doing a physical task

what drained me today? tiktok, my to do list being badly put together

22/06/22

felt quite lethargic today.... i think i struggle to be productive a lot at home. i went out to get raspberries from the allotment with my mum tho and that was rlly nice and gave me a lot more energy :D i decided to move my desk to the other side of the room bc i hate where it used to be, and i also finished decluttering it. i did one of the journal tasks i have lined up, and am excited for tomorrow! im going to go out for a walk relatively early (to get another peri peri salt shaker) so i can have more energy in the day to do everything i want to do :) im finding the dual to do list to work really well, since it means i dont set myself up for failure/disappointment, and also on todoist i can put daily tasks like walk, make bed, draw a cat, etc. i also put together the little jewellery shop from my batgirl+robin lego set wahoo! im now going to quickly go over my to do list for tomorrow and refine it (i want to do journal tasks in the morning and then do more organisation later in the day) and i want to make sure it's not overwhelming for tomorrow's me haha. also i ordered the S key for my laptop bc i cant find where i put the original one whoops

21/06/22

came home today! wild to think that yr 1 of uni is truly over,, used my rice cooker for the first time and made a lazy chicken katsudon which i had with dad, plus tried the furikake! v nice :) looking forward to getting my shit together ALSO i had the idea of doing a barbecue and i think it would be fun!

20/06/22

was planning to go river swimming today but i feel like ass :/ gonna go out anyway to get sushi(?) maybe but also i kinda fancy chicken katsu idk. i'll see where the day leads me. i need my walk. also ive found a lot of journalling prompts i rlly wanna try out! i put them in my excel sheet to check out later :)

lol as usual as soon as i got outside and put some food in me i gained the will to live. took some pics, had some sushi, watched some fun vids basically as podcasts lol. then i went to where i was gonna swim originally and just wanted to and im glad i did! the water was v v cold so i didnt swim much, but it was very nice sitting in the sun covered in water. v fun time i feel amazing!!!!!! and christ i love bury me in black

19/06/22

started using todoist properly w/ a bare minimum and killing it list and it works rlly well! i did a lot of packing :] also grabbed furikake finally. ALSOOOOO I FINIHSED BATMAN UNBURIED........ IT WAS VERY GOOD i did sob @ the beginning of episode 10 like proper sobbing into my pillow shit it was so good. why r audio mediums always so good. read sm fic i cant lie lmao

18/06/22

ok from the AM hours: i read a load of superbat and i can def appreciate it, i understand why it's so popular; it has an interesting dynamic with a surprising amount of depth and a lot of opportunities for fun (mostly revolving around their secret identities lol). also, it's very nice and feel good, also with a lot of canon depth. i respect it! i got up to ep 6 of batman unburied and it's SO fucking good oh my god. im really enjoying a lot of the batman things that are making me appreciate the other characters more, like unburied and audio adventures (naturally the podcasts are the best lmao). also, in the morning around 10 i reread that batjokes war world fic, but actually completed it this time. slay ig! went on a walk and loitered in waterstones, got £3.35 of sushi (salmon hosomaki from wasabi, v good price on honestly). im on ep 9 of batman unburied rn, and im very excited to hear more!!!!! it reminds me a lot of the magnus archives honestly, mainly just the tone (horror yet also moments of levity, and ALSO ep 8 was a long recollection from a recording so um. ya)

17/06/22

ENERGISED AGAIN! watched a bunch of self improvement vids and decided to go on a walk, worked more on my joker drawing (one of him sitting w/ knife), redid his face and i much prefer it plus more work on the one where he lowkey looks like an anime boy lol. went on a walk at around 8, to go to asda to get my dad a fathers day card. started listening to batman unburied on the way home; 2 eps in so far and holy fucking shit it is SO GOOD?

also! ive been feeling like im doing a lot better in general. i know partially it's bc im in a good patch rn, but i definitely have learnt so so much from the past year and feel like, whatever negative stuff happens ahead, i'll be able to deal with it all a lot better. :D

i also am getting a lot more of an idea of how i want to use social media; i honestly like using it less, and i think i mainly just want to post art? altho also possibly longer form vlog type things, maybe just to yt/here (for my own enjoyment). additionally, i want to start journaling more/microjournaling, ie typing out my thoughts in my notes instead of automatically going to social media. then logging it here!

16/06/22

chilled inside today :) did some random tasks, worked on a bjokes drawing, and tried out clown makeup. fun!

15/06/22

i went out at around 1:30pm to grab toilet roll + tapioca but ended up on a 2+ hour walk bc the weather was so lovely lolzzz,, danced around + sung to mcr in a park and explored a lil! also i found a place where u can swim outside in the river so :0 def doing that

also grabbed sushi later yayyyy

14/06/22

OH i went out with tess! i also texted conor a bit :D tess was v lovely and we have a lot in common and it's always v nice to talk to someone who is rlly into art n stuff as well o(≧∇≦o) we went to thrive cafe then charity shopping!

13/06/22

called with winston this morning :) very fun love the guy sm. i messaged ariana and conor about whether they'd like to catch up and dropped madi's coat back, then went to buy some shorts and sunglasses. i feel great!!!!!!! the sunglasses make me think of the matrix lol. considering going to grab my speaker and just moshing to mcr in a field for a bit lmao

couldnt be asked with the speaker im sooooo tired </3 played a little nitw and cleared up my tabs a bit, plus cut the compression vest into more of a binder. going out with tess tomorrow! very excited :) also i messaged q + jade abt soz i have been dead

12/06/22

went to hang out with madi today! first of all i bought those 4 clown dolls from the charity shop σ(≧ε≦ｏ) they are sooooo cute i want to try doing my makeup like one of them and dressing like them so i have a lil mini me and ALSOOO maybe try making my own??

hanging out with madi was healing. we walked around for a while and got food at the udon place and carlos bbq, and we hung out for 13 hours and spoke about so much stuff. it was incredibly reassuring to talk to her because i'd definitely gotten in my own head about everyone hating me (they don't) and that i had ruined everything forever (i hadn't). we also both spoke about some personal issues. i acknowledged how much i'd fucked up the past year also. i want to message ariana on monday asking if we could catch up some time over the holiday if it's not too much of an issue.

but ALSOOOO some of our other friends have apparently been massive cunts lately which is???? so weird (but also in the case of one of them weirdly reassuring) oh buT ALSO. APPARENTLY HE WASN'T MAD AT ME FOR WHAT I THOUGHT HE WAS AND WHAT I AGONISED OVER AND HE DID THE SAME FUCKING THING AND TOLD SOMEONE BEFORE I DID SO WHAT'S EVEN THE FUCKING POINT. DICKHEAD. im really upset about that because i felt incredibly guilty for what i saw as a violation of trust but if he'd done the exact same thing and then not told me what he was mad about then im just fucking pissed now.

im coming back next year with a vengeance.

11/06/22

have realised that yeah lol alcohol is a depressant

strawberry fair thing is today! declined madi's invitation bc i havent sorted all that stuff out yet soz madi but im going on my own anyway (gonna go in time for the fucking breakcore one lmaooooo) but i wanna do some drawing and css first :]

breakcore wasnt breakcore-y enough BUT glitchers were there! was fun also a v cool band called 19th funktion also who had an incredible singer

10/06/22

hiiiiiii ♡♡♡♡♡ i decide to go into uni at around 1 (private show is at 5) so i could do some work! im going to be editing my joker pics and mitski pics on lightroom (⭑￫ 𓎟 ￩ ⭑) i still need to get my pics back from a lot of photogs but i dont have the cards with me rn!

nvm i hate this how do photographers have the will to do this oh my days. jesus,. will just edit them at home but at least i did actually organise all the photos :]

ok bullets is SO good i didnt realise the songs went so fucking hard on it???? havent listened to it properly before ever. my god

did a html tutorial thing and i get it a lot more now :) the graduate show thing was cool also i got a PINT of free cider and got drunk rlly quick. made nachos and then got my speaker and compression vest in the mail. and then walked around dressed as the joker for an hour and a half 10-11:30pm. bruh. anyway i took a shower and am watching the lego batman movie

09/06/22

11am: demolition lovers is such a good song oh my godddd...... lots to do today but it's all pretty fun i just need my phone well charged :) finishing off my freezer wraps (bc the fucking hob turned off halfway through cooking ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º· ) and then going out to run some errands and possiblyyyy buy green hair dye.... just for the tips........... but idk yet :0 might give myself a quick trim as well but idk x. also gonna take in the cam from mitski to get developed i think!

5pm: couldnt find any green hair dye :( but i got my mitski pics back and WOWWWWW some of them are so fucking good!!!!! a lot of them turned out naf but the ones that are good make it allll worth it,, gonna edit the values a bit and crop them to make them even cooler o(≧∇≦o) ALSO! i went to some charity shops and bought a load of books :D a tiny little kids miffy book for 10p, along with another illustrated kids book, a japanese book containing lots of patterns of dots and stripes, a book about writing for animation, and a book about sketching in nature!

1am: batman the audio adventures was so fucking good, i want to produce more coherent thoughts about it tomorrow :] but also i'm just thinking about like. ive been watching some self help and motiivation videos recently as well as taking care of myself and it's just? so nice? i'm being so positive and it's so nice. i don't know when i became so fucking cynical lately but i dont want to be. i dont want to be negative and shame and bitter and mean constantly. it's funny because i could see this happening and particularly the people who brought it out but i guess i just didn't know what to do. i know what initially triggered it all as well. but it's okay. i think that this is actually a really important realisation for me because it means i can finally actually get past all of that hurt and the ghost of it wont be lurking over my shoulder. i'm glad. i know i will feel bad again because the good moods can't be eternal but that's ok. that's normal. i won't just give up because i feel bad. i've made so much progress. it's okay. i'm better than i thought

also ive realised i can edit this on my phone (even if it's janky asf) so now i am fucking unstoppable.

08/06/22

i started making this site a couple of days ago now and im really glad i did. it's a very fun project and i think that it- along with other things im doing, such as isolating myself a bit, writing out lists of projects and plans i'd like to do, etc- is really helping my mental health and also my focus and direction. i've been struggling a lot for the past few months due to friendship issues, then a mental health breakdown that i haven't really gotten over yet (largely due to fear and a poor self esteem), but i feel a lot better being able to do something like this; where i get to talk about whatever i want to and don't have to worry about other people seeing it. i've been struggling a lot with shame lately and i worry that i've become a very mean and bitter person, and i want to change that; not only because it's unfair to other people, but because it hurts my own perception of myself when i judge like that. it makes me judge myself, too. i want to go back to how i never used to judge people or feel shame for anything, because i know i was happier in myself during those times.

i also want to disconnect myself from social media more, and in doing so focus only on building up art accounts. but i want to be patient in doing that, and take my time so as to not overwhelm myself. i want to start with my projects section on this website; having something on a site like this makes it feel a lot more permanent and valuable, and it means i can start seeing what i'd like to share without worrying about outsider opinions yet. i'm going to be meeting up with my friend paige later today and i hope it will be fun, as i havent seen them in over a month :] bye bye now

nvm we didnt hang they were busy but weirdly i dont find that i care that much? i still had a fun + productive day on my own :) ALSOOOOO OMFG? BATMAN AUDIO ADVENTURES ISNT JUST 2 EPISODES IT'S 10 theyre just hbo max only..... thank god for piracy

alsoooo this wasnt just today but wow ive bought soooo much over the past few days! here is what ive bought so far (none of it has arrived yet tho (｡-人-｡) )

list: